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Mosque Foundation | Bridgeview, Illinois

Mosque Foundation

Reflexiones de Ramadán

First Friday prayer is at 12:00pm . second friday prayer is at 1:30pm

Reflexiones de Ramadán

Reflexiones de Ramadán

Emma  – México

Assalamu alaikum, Mi hombre es Emma tengo un año de ser musulmana mis 4 semanas de ayuno durante  Ramadán fue bellísimo nunca antes había sentido esta emoción en mi corazón. Alhamdulillah.

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Ermelinda – Brasil

Assalamualaikum, Ramadán Subhannah es lo más bonito para mí. En ramadán me siento bien cerca de Allah porque estoy leyendo constantemente el sagrado Corán. Me emociona mucho pedir a Allah haciendo duaa’ por los necesitados, los niños, las familias pobres. Me siento muy feliz en ramadán. Alhamdulillah

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Magda – México

En El Nombre De Allah El Compasivo El Misericordioso

Ramadán el Bendito mes del ayuno, el cuarto pilar del Islam y la gran Noche  del Decreto!  Es este mes en el cual hay muchas bendiciones, oportunidades y grandes beneficios que nos da Allah subhana  wa ta’ala para ganarnos Su Perdón, Su Compasión y Su Misericordia, una gran oportunidad para librarnos del castigo de Infierno y alcanzar el Paraíso!

Este es el mes en que me siento más cerca de mi Creador, y a la vez me llena una gran paz interior leyendo el Sagrado Corán y me emociona descubrir que es lo que esta vez tocó mi corazón, cada vez siento una experiencia diferente al terminar de leerlo!

También, este es un mes de disciplina y reflexión, en el cual me doy cuenta de cuantas bendiciones recibo  en el momento en que voy a romper mi ayuno;  veo el agua que va a saciar mi sed y los alimentos que van a satisfacer mi hambre.   Alhamdu li Allah por  las provisiones  que me da. Me hace pensar que hay otras personas en que pasa el día y no tienen alimento alguno! Que Allah tenga Misericordia de ellos. Qué Generoso y Compasivo es el Todo Poderoso conmigo!  Al terminar el mes de ayuno,  cuando vamos al rezo del Ramadán y celebramos con  júbilo  de haber cumplido  con este mandato de Allah, y luego… la reunión familiar el festejo la convivencia qué bonito todo!  Pero y luego qué? …..ese sentimiento de que pasó el bendito mes y quisiera que no hubiera terminado!

Le doy gracias a  Allah subhana wa ta’ala por permitirme ser musulmana y le pido que me dé la oportunidad de seguir cumpliendo con este pilar y recibir todas las bendiciones y beneficios…. Amén

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Rebecca A.  – Perú

Assalam Aleikum,

Yo me regocijo que el mes de Ramadán llegue cada año en mi vida porque siento que es como un “tune up” que se le hace al carro para que funcione mejor. Y pues me siento renovada y refrescada cuando el mes de Ramadán termina. Y luego lo empiezo a extrañar, y es que una de las cosas de este mes es que todos en casita incluyendo mi esposo y mis hijos rezamos juntos las oraciones, y eso sucede en el mes de Ramadán.

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Cristina – Puerto Rico

Mi nombre es Cristina, tengo 25 años, casada y madre de 3 hijos.  Hace tres años acepte el islam Alhamdulillah!

Cada año que Ramadán se acerca, me siento emocionada y llena de alegría.  Ramadán es una bendición, una misericordia de Allah swt.  Siento que ramadán es un nuevo empiezo y una nueva esperanza, sin importar las pruebas y tribulaciones que haya pasado durante el año.

Ramadán me da la oportunidad de fortalecer mi relación con Allah, y reforzar mi autocontrol al igual que purifica mi alma.  Este es el mes en que el Corán fue revelado, y el último mensaje a la humanidad.   Que bendición y privilegio para los musulmanes que aceptan y honran este regalo.  No importa que situaciones lleve uno en esta vida, el Corán y Ramadán es lo que nos une.

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Vanessa  M. – El Salvador

Assalamaleikum warahmatulahi wabarakato, Ramadán Karim hermanos y hermanas.

Mi nombre es Vanessa y tengo 28 años.  Soy revertida hace 5 años Alhamdulillah.  Mis primeros años de ayuno fueron muy difíciles porque estaba trabajando 12 horas diarias 6 días a la semana; no tenía mucho tiempo para leer el Corán, ni reflexionar y entender el propósito del ayuno y sin embargo experimentaba un sentimiento muy hermoso que no podría explicar fácilmente.  El año pasado no pude ayunar porque estaba esperando bebe  pero Alhamdulillah este año estoy en casa con mi hija.  Ayer durante suhoor estuve recapacitando cuan bendecidos somos los que tenemos comida en la mesa aun cuando estuvimos ayunando por 17 horas.  Pensé en todos aquellos países en donde ayunan y tienen poca comida para quebrar su ayuno, y durante el día estuve pensando y sintiendo triste por aquellos que no tienen con qué quebrar su ayuno y pensando que no debería de quejarme pues Allah es Misericordioso conmigo y mi familia ya que al quebrar mi ayuno tendría comida en la mesa; agradecí profundamente a Allah y pedí por Su perdón.   No importa porque situaciones o dificultades estemos pasando, en comparación con otros seres humanos sufriendo me fortalece; también me motiva a superarme y ser mejor ante Allah.  Inshallah.

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Jafeth – USA

Lo que yo espero de Ramadán es pasar las pruebas de sentir hambre, pero también mucha llenura espiritual. Esto me hará recordar que afortunado soy porque al fin del día habrá comida en mi casa para romper el ayuno, habiendo tanta gente que tristemente no tendrá ni un grano de arroz en la mesa para calmar el dolor que sienten en su estómago por el hambre. Yo espero que Allah me haga un mejor Musulmán en este Ramadán, inshaAllah.

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Nayeli – USA

Mientras anticipaba el mes de ramadán me sentía alegre, emocionada, y agradecida con mi Creador por esta oportunidad tan bella que nos ha dado. Cuando pienso en el mes de ramadán me da felicidad porque sé que mientras participamos estamos obteniendo recompensa. Para mí, es bello que nada más por seguir lo que Allah nos comandó a hacer, Él nos está recompensado. Es emocionante pensar que durante este mes santo todas las cosas buenas que hagamos nos serán multiplicadas, InshaAllah.

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Vilma L. – Rep. Dominicana

Ramadán, mi Tanque de Oxígeno!

Alabado sea Dios que me ha guiado al camino recto y que me ha permitido estar con vida y salud un Ramadán más para poder ayunar. He llamado el título de esta nota “Ramadán, mi Tanque de Oxígeno” porque eso es lo que representa el ayuno de Ramadán para mí. La vida sin oxígeno no es vida, mi experiencia cada año sin el Mes de Ramadán, tampoco sería vida. Llega este mes y mi vida se llena de un oxigeno representado por: fe incrementada, lectura del Qu’ran intensivas, el tener la certeza de que con un ayuno sincere hay mucha gente que está siendo perdonada y librada del infierno, oraciones extras; por supuesto incluyendo el Taraweeh, poderosas suplicas, el saber que la comida que Allah me provee es para sobrevivir; no como pasa en otros tiempos que a lo mejor sobrevivo para comer, y otras muchas acciones que permiten que mi vida se oxigene. Entonces llega Ramadán, hago mi pequeño plan para poder maximizar mi ayuno durante todo el mes, y gracias a Dios, sí que funciona! El planearlo me lleva a un nivel que sin la gracia de Allah nunca alcanzaría; porque si he experimentado que cuando no se planea, el tiempo se va y no se da una cuenta donde se fue, es una pena pero es una realidad. Especialmente al final de Ramadán, solo quedan lamentaciones; y por supuesto, muy tarde para reponer el tiempo ya perdido.

Ese oxígeno, es también lo que me ayuda al acabarse el mes, a seguir con la energía que necesito al continuar mi vida fuera de él. La verdad es que tengo sentimientos encontrados ya que, me siento triste porque se acaba, pero también me siento alegre porque Allah me mantuvo viva y con salud para poder terminarlo. Definitivamente me siento equipada luego de la culminación del mes para poder lidiar con las pruebas y desafíos que Dios nos manda al terminar ese preciado mes. Si no se le da el sentido y la importancia que tiene el Mes de Ramadán, al terminarlo, estaremos derrotadas con la primera prueba que nos enfrentemos. Esto pasa por dos razones, una que Allah nos dice en el Qur’an 2:185 que Él nos facilita el ayuno en Ramadán y también todo lo que hacemos; y la razón numero dos es la prueba del hadiz del Profeta (paz y bendición) donde nos dice que el satanás esta encadenado; así que es mucho más fácil todo en Ramadán que fuera de él; por eso necesitamos esas herramientas que solo encontramos en él.

Alhamdulillah por el Mes de Ramadán!

Friday Khutba Live Stream Translation

Join Live Stream Tranlastion. Fiqih Class and  Friday Khutba at 12:00 PM . It will be translated From Arabic to 57 languages including English, Spanish , French , Turkish , Albanian , Persian , Urdu , bengali and many more .

Follow these easy steps . All you need is a phone and headphones

  • Click the link :    https://attend.wordly.ai/join/QYGG-9065
  • Chose the Language of your choice and click attend.
  • Translation starts as text . For Audio Translation . unmute Speaker button (make sure you have headphones)                                      ******************************************************************************************************************

لائیو سٹریم ٹرانسلاشن میں شامل ہوں۔ فقہ کی کلاس اور خطبہ جمعہ دوپہر 12:00 بجے۔ اس کا ترجمہ عربی سے انگریزی، ہسپانوی، فرانسیسی، ترکی، البانیائی، فارسی، اردو، بنگالی سمیت 57 زبانوں میں کیا جائے گا۔

آسان اقدامات پر عمل کریں۔ آپ کو صرف ایک فون اور ہیڈ فون کی ضرورت ہے۔

لنک پر کلک کریں

 https://attend.wordly.ai/join/QYGG-9065

اپنی پسند کی زبان کا انتخاب کریں اور حاضری پر کلک کریں۔

ترجمہ متن کے طور پر شروع ہوتا ہے۔ آڈیو ترجمہ کے لیے۔ اسپیکر بٹن کو چالو کریں (یقینی بنائیں کہ آپ کے پاس ہیڈ فون ہیں) اور جادو کو شروع ہونے دیں

 *******************************************************************************************************

Únase a la traducción de transmisión en vivo. Clase de Fiqih y Viernes Khutba a las 12:00 p.m. Se traducirá del árabe a 57 idiomas, incluidos inglés, español, francés, turco, albanés, persa, urdu, bengalí y muchos más.

 

Siga los sencillos pasos. Todo lo que necesitas es un teléfono y auriculares.

 

Haga clic en el enlace:    https://attend.wordly.ai/join/QYGG-9065

Elija el idioma de su elección y haga clic en asistir.

La traducción comienza como texto. Para traducción de audio. Activa el botón del altavoz (asegúrate de tener auriculares) y deja que comience la magia.۔

 

O Allah, Make Us Among the Mossaddaqeen

O Allah, Make Us Among the MossaddiqeenThere are many windows of opportunity in this life, especially placed by Allah , to purify our souls and gain forgiveness for our sins. These opportunities are open to every believing individual, young and old, poor and wealthy, ill and healthy, educated and illiterate. It matters not. Some take advantage of these windows, seeking them with every turn and twist in worldly life, both in happiness and calamity.

For these people called al-Mossaddiqeen, Allah has created a special level in the heavens for those who give Sadaqah consistently. It is the quality for which they are most recognized and is what will witness for them on the Day when nothing can attest for them but their deeds.

This group of people is the best at finding the best bargains and offers, constantly searching and consumed with the Best Deal—The deal granted by He Who created us and assigned provisions for us. Allah says, “Who will loan Allah a lofty loan which Allah will double unto their credit and multiply many times?” (Quran 2:245). The Mossaddiqeen grasped this deal because they recognized it is like no other that can be granted in this worldly life. My brothers and sisters, Allah has blessed us with provisions, and He asks that we give from what He has presented us so that He may provide us with more; how generous is Our Creator?

So even when it is challenging to give Sadaqah, the Mossaddiqeen remember that it does not decrease wealth. The Prophet stated, “Charity does not decrease wealth, and the servant who forgives, Allah makes him more respected; and the one who shows humility, Allah elevates him in the eyes of the people” (Muslim).

For this reason, the Mosque Foundation community’s perception of Sadaqah has gained great regard and esteem from other communities. Your sincere commitment to give from your wealth and possessions protects your families and will continue to bi’thinillah. To spend in Allah’s cause by propagating His religion is a charity with high merit and great reward. The one who spends in the cause of Allah will continue to be rewarded even after death. You provide a place to pray, a site to learn about religion, seek counsel, and to support the needy.

We must consider several requirements to ensure that our Sadaqah is accepted. First of all, Sadaqah must be given from money that is earned lawfully. Allah says, “Oh you who believe, spend from what you (lawfully) earned” (Quran 2: 267).

Second, when giving Sadaqah, the believer must purify their intention and make their purpose to gain Allah’s pleasure and reward. The Prophet said, “All deeds are based on intention, and everyone will be rewarded according to what he intended” (Bukhari).

Third, the believer should make haste in giving Sadaqah and should only delay it with a valid reason. It is also much better for Muslims to give Sadaqah when there is a need than to wait until death comes and it is too late. Prophet Muhammad was once asked about the best of all charities, to which he replied, “The best charity is what you give during your life while you are in need of it.”

Fourth, it is more befitting for a Muslim to give Sadaqah from their best possessions, which you love most. Allah says, By no means shall you attain righteousness unless you give (freely as a charity) from that which you love; and whatever you spend Allah knows it well” (Quran 3: 92).

However, this does not mean that one should lessen the value of their Sadaqah if they only have little to give. Prophet Muhammad once said to his companions, “One Dirham could be better in reward than one hundred thousand Dirhams.” A man asked, “And how is that, oh Messenger of Allah?” He replied, “A wealthy person takes one hundred thousand Dirhams, which is one part of their wealth, and gives it as a charity, while a poor person who only has two Dirhams pays one of them as a charity.”

By Sh. Jamal Said

Fasting and the Path of Taqwa

 

Rediscovering Ingredients Required for Developing Taqwa through Fasting

Is there a relationship between fasting and developing piety? According to the Quran, fasting during the month of Ramadan is closely tied with taqwa, a term usually translated as ‘piety or righteousness’ and derived, linguistically, from the concept of protection. It is not difficult to connect taqwa with the linguistic sense of protection since taqwa serves as a shield against falling into sin and suffering punishment in the Hereafter. 

However, the question is, ‘how does fasting lead to taqwa?’ Attempting to answer this seemingly simple question can help us recognize the prime purpose of fasting and create ways for us to evaluate our moral progress during the blessed month of Ramadan. Reflecting on the relationship between fasting and taqwa, we find that fasting provides us with the necessary ingredients for developing taqwa. The following is a brief outline of taqwa’s main components and how fasting helps us develop each. Some action points that can be used as a thermometer for measuring taqwa follow these components.

1-   Soul Care

           In his Ihya’, Imam al-Ghazali argues that our bodily desires are fueled by food and energy. Therefore, fasting weakens lust and desires temporarily to allow the soul to lead the body and communicate with Allah. When you break your fast at sunset, you prepare for Taraweeh and more prayers at the Masjid. Therefore, the Ramadan fast is both a defensive spiritual fortress and spiritual nourishment for the soul. 

In Ramadan, you are skipping a meal for a spiritual reason. Unfortunately, some people overeat during the ‘iftar period to make up for the meal they missed and may gain weight by the end of the month! Preparing healthy food and liquids for ‘iftar and eating with moderation is key to effective fasting. 

Action Point: I am committed to avoiding overeating during ‘iftar time since it is both unhealthy and negates the goal of less food consumption during Ramadan in skipping one meal a day. 

2- Willpower

You may believe that you cannot achieve great goals or break cycles of sinning, thinking that you are not strong enough to resist the temptations and difficulties facing you. However, during your fast, you are being trained to control and master your bodily desires. When your body asks you for food or water, you can say: NO! Fasting proves that you can get unstuck from destructive habits you have developed—because if you can stay away from essential halal matters, like food and drinks, you can easily stay away from haram terrible habits. 

Action Point: I am determined to fast from bad habits permanently. (Specify one or more sins you plan to abandon. Focus on the strength and willpower you developed in Ramadan and ask Allah to redirect your life to be closer to Him.)

3- Forgiveness of Sins 

Sometimes, people have driven away from taqwa due to their sin’s burden, which, they think, is too heavy to allow them to reach Allah. However, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ informed us that ‘whomsoever fasts the month of Ramadan with iman(faith) and ihtisab (expectation to be rewarded) will have his sins forgiven.’ Therefore, the fasting season is an excellent opportunity for repenting and renewing our relationship with Allah ﷻ. Allah ﷻ invites all sinners to repent, no matter what they have committed, stating, “Say [to people], [Oh Prophet], Oh My servants who have committed sins in great excess against themselves, never despair of Allah’s mercy; indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He alone Who is the All-forgiving, the All-merciful” (Quran 39:53). A man asked Rabi’ah al-‘Adawiyyah: “Do you think Allah will forgive me after I had committed so many sins?” She immediately answered, “He invites those who are away from Him to repent. Do you think He will reject those who seek Him?” 

Action Point: I choose to turn to Allah and commit myself to Him. (The results of sinning include regret, shame, depression, damaged relations, etc. should serve as a deterrent and a means to motivate you to turn back to Allah.) 

4- Humility 

In fasting, we can recognize our human weakness and dependence on Allah. This recognition guards us against being deceived by luxury (no matter how little) we are surrounded with, as the Quran puts it, “Nay, man, does transgress all bounds when looking upon himself as self-sufficient!” (Quran 96:7-8)

Action Point: I am determined to humble myself before Allah and before people. (Have you ever seen a baby? Once you were one, having no power and no knowledge! Never use Allah’s blessings as a justification for arrogance; Allah’s blessings should make you more humble.) 

5- Patience and Gratitude 

Besides developing patience through a long day of Ramadan fasting, one also develops an attitude of gratitude. For example, for many, the most precious thing at sunset is simply a water bottle and a couple of dates. Fasting teaches us not to take anything for granted. Think of all the blessings Allah has bestowed upon you and your family as unique gifts for you. Do not allow people’s possessions of elemental benefits (like sight, health, shelter, etc.) to make you feel that you are not unique in sharing those blessings. Ramadan reminds us to recognize introductory provisions as unique. Thank Allah for the ability to drink clean water! This sense of gratitude will lead any sane person to the worship and obedience of Allah, Who is the source of our existence and survival. 

Action Point: I am determined to develop an attitude of gratitude. (Remember that observing Salah, thanking people, helping others, and acknowledging Allah’s blessings are all examples of demonstrating the value of appreciation.) 

6- Giving

In the Quran, the rights of Allah and the rights of people are connected. Notice, for instance, how Salah or ritual prayer (the right of Allah) is frequently associated with Zakah or charity (the right of people). In Ramadan, we feel the hunger and thirst of millions of people globally, thereby developing a strong sense of empathy for them. This empathy turns into action in Ramadan, a month of fasting, prayer, and giving. Giving purifies our hearts from greed and living a self-centered life.

Action Point: I am determined to pay my Zakah and give charity to the poor and the needy. 

7- Sincerity 

In Islam, for an action to be moral and accepted by Allah, it is not enough that the action is good. The motive behind the action has to be good, and the action has to be intentional for seeking the pleasure of Allah. This is called ‘Ikhlas, the opposite of Riya’; that is, doing something seeking people’s approval and praise, not Allah’s pleasure and glory. We stay away from food and drinks and other invalidators of fasting during our fasting even if no one is watching us. In doing so, we train to live in the presence of Allah and do good deeds to glorify Him alone.

Action Point: Fasting makes one more God-oriented. I am determined to fast Ramadan as a religious obligation to achieve taqwa and seek Allah’s pleasure, not as a cultural practice to impress others or gain their approval. 

8- Faith-filled Environment:

Being disconnected from your local mosque, lacking good friends, and abandoning benevolent acts may lower your level of faith. Ramadan is like an intensive course in good deeds: Taraweeh in the Masjid, sadaqah for the needy, annual Zakah, reading and studying the Quran, inviting people for ‘iftar, developing stronger family connections …etc. The creation of this faith-filled environment increases our opportunities to be more connected with Allah. 

Action Point: I am determined to disconnect from the harmful environment that leads me into sinning and replace it with developing more connections with the Masjid and good people. 

9- Dua’a

It is interesting to note that a Quranic encouragement to offer dua’a comes between two verses, which outline the fasting rules, emphasizing the relationship between fasting and dua’a. Recognizing our human weakness makes our dua’a more effective and sincere. The Quran states, “When My servants ask you about Me, then I am near. I answer the prayer of a supplicant when he calls upon Me. Let them obey Me and believe in Me so that they will be guided” (Quran 2: 186). Usually, the Quran uses the form,‘ If they ask you about …, say to them …” Yet, here Allah did not say to the Prophet ﷺ, ‘When my servants ask you about Me, say to them …’; Allah provided the answer directly to remove any intermediaries between Him and His servants. We can communicate with Allah ﷻ directly.

Action Point: I am determined to prepare some dua’a to be said each day, and I trust the way and the time Allah answers them.

10- Closeness with the Quran 

If I asked you to define Ramadan, how would you answer? The month of fasting? That is correct. Yet, Allah described the month of Ramadan as “the one when the Quran was revealed” (Quran 2:185). The revelation of the Quran is the reason why we celebrate the month of Ramadan, and the way we celebrate it is by fasting to develop a closer relationship with our Creator. Thus, if we do not improve our relationship with the Quran, we will fail to understand what the month of fasting is all about. 

Action Point: I am committed to the following duties towards the Quran:

  1. A) Reading: Imam Malik used to leave his Hadith books in Ramadan to focus more on the Quran.
  2. B) Understanding: Failing to understand the Quranic message will leave the reader with nothing to inspire or motivate them. Once, the Prophet ﷺ spent all of his night prayers reciting one verse (Quran 5:118) due to his deep contemplation. 
  3. C) Memorizing: Quran is the ONLY sacred Book in the world that is memorized from cover to cover. Take part in this blessed practice and start, at least, with some selected verses or surahs to memorize in this holy month. 
  4. D) Applying: Make the Quran part of your life by putting its great values into practice.
  5. E) Spreading: Make sure that you teach others what you learned. Teaching your child a surah or more would fulfill this requirement.

Finally, I pray that you all experience a blessed Ramadan full of mercy and forgiveness. May Allah ﷻ keep us all guided on His Straight Path and united in obeying Him ﷻ. 

Ameen. 

By Sh. Ahmed Arafat

 

Fasting and Spiritual Maturity

Fasting is not starvation; it is a spiritual discipline that awakens our Fitrah, or natural disposition toward God, and keeps in check different negative traits of our human ego. Thereby, through mindful fasting, our souls can transform from a soul that has become accustomed to evil tendencies to a serene soul firmly aligned to the Straight Path. Failing to manage the negative traits of our ego may corrupt our Fitrah and impede our journey to God. This brief article outlines negative characteristics (red flags in our spiritual journey) and describes how fasting can strengthen our immunity to the intense appeal of developing such traits.

Red Flag 1: “Nay, man does transgress all bounds, when looking upon himself as self-sufficient!” (Quran 96:7-8). 

It is easy to be deceived by the luxury we have, the technological advancement we enjoy, the military power we develop, or the medical services we are offered. Some may unconsciously feel that they do not need Allah, and others may act as gods! However, none of these material advancements will change our big human reality; that is, we have a built-in need for our Creator, who makes our very existence possible. Instead of expressing more gratitude with authentic humility and love, we sometimes get overwhelmed with the gifts we forget or even deny the Giver!

Fasting offers a spiritual exercise to fight back any potential arrogance or egotism from focusing on the gifts. It does this by compelling a break from these gifts and reflecting on how our life looks with Divine Providence. To al-Ghazali, we receive an opportunity to develop more humility through mindful fasting and temporary hunger and keep our ego in check. We recognize how fragile and weak we become in the absence of some morsels and water. Furthermore, Ibn al-Qayyim beautifully depicts the different stages humans experience, starting from the moment of birth to the zenith of youth. Having talked about our helplessness and fragility as babies, Ibn al-Qayyim is puzzled over how our behavior changes as our different faculties and powers are developed. He writes: “As God perfects our hearing, sight, and reason and as He makes the universe subservient to us, we poor humans start to think that we have a share in this kingdom and look at ourselves with different lenses. We even forget our early state of helplessness, poverty, and need as if we never experienced these features and as if we are different creatures!” Look at a baby and observe its need and helplessness. Now, recognize you were one before!

Al-Ghazali asserts that if we fail to recognize our humility and limitations, we will undoubtedly fail to acknowledge the Divine power and sovereignty. The Quran awakens the arrogant by depicting a big irony: “He created man from a sperm-drop; yet behold he become an open opponent!” (Quran 16:4) The word yet in this translation is (إذا idhaal-fujaiyyah) in Arabic, which is better translated as “suddenly” or “unexpectedly” as an unexpected behavior usually follows it. Once we deny our human weakness and limitations and think of ourselves as gods, we will always see the doors of guidance closed! The Quran reads: “I shall turn away from My Signs those who magnify themselves wrongfully in the earth, and if they see each token believe it not, and if they see the way of righteousness choose it nor for (their) way, and if they see the way of error choose if for (their) way. That is because they deny Our revelations and are used to disregard them” (Quran 7:146).

When I said earlier that fasting is an exercise, this was literal. No one can say that it is meaningless for armies to carry out a series of tactical activities to stimulate war conditions. Similarly, fasting is like a spiritual maneuver that prepares us to face difficult times and challenging situations with patience, love, and support. Instead of lamenting others for the trials we experience, we are trained to be more mature: to resort to Allah with a humble heart and stand by the oppressed.

In Islam, we believe that this worldly life is not supposed to feel perfect. It is difficult. It is a test. It is short. However, that does not mean that life is horrible. It all depends on our attitude. Difficulties and trials in life do not signify that Allah abandoned us. It is a chance to approach God with a heart that has surrendered optimistically, not in rebellion, despair, or depression. In communicating with Allah about their trials and heartbrokenness, some early Muslim awliya experienced so much spiritual joy that they forgot about their problems and wished their state of heartbrokenness would remain!

Take, for example, this Hadith, which illustrates that trials do not mean that God is not in control. Instead, we have the responsibility to demonstrate actions that align with great values like hope, generosity, courage, and sympathy. These great values typically do not manifest except in trials and difficulties. Imam Muslim reported that: “Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: O son of Adam, I fell ill and you did not visit Me. He will say: O Lord, and how could I visit You and You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so had fallen ill and you did not visit him? Did you not know that had you visited him, you would have found Me with him? O son of Adam, I asked you for food, and you did not feed Me. He will say: O Lord, and how could I feed You and You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: Did you not know that My servant So-and-so asked you for food and you did not feed him? Did you not know that had you fed him, you would surely have found that (the reward for doing so) with Me? O son of Adam, I asked you to give Me to drink, and you gave Me nothing to drink. He will say: O Lord, how could I give You to drink when You are the Lord of the worlds? He will say: My servant So-and-so asked you to give him to drink, and you gave him nothing to drink. Had you given him to drink, you would have surely found that with Me.” Similarly, the reward for accepting unchangeable trials with humility is gaining Divine support and tranquility.

Red Flag 2: “And few among my servants are the truly thankful” (Quran 34:13).

The power to see, hear and understand and the availability of water and basic food are among the Divine blessings that we would never trade. Why do many forget to thank Allah for these indispensable favors? Simply because they unconsciously feel that countless people enjoy the same blessings, they do not feel special! Here comes fasting to teach you not to take anything for granted and deal with each blessing as a special favor. To many, the most precious thing at sunset is simply a water bottle and a couple of dates.

Red Flag 3: “And you love wealth, you love wealth ardently” (Quran 89:20).

In Ramadan, we can feel the hunger and thirst experienced by millions of people worldwide, thereby developing a strong sense of empathy for them. This empathy turns into action in Ramadan in the form of giving. Giving purifies our hearts from greed and living a self-centered life. In the Quran, the rights of Allah and the rights of people are connected. Notice, for instance, how Salah or ritual prayer (the right of Allah) is frequently associated with Zakah or charity (the right of people).

Red Flag 4: “The love of desires is made alluring to people …” (Quran 3:14).  

In his ‘Ihya,’ Imam al-Ghazali argues that our bodily desires are fueled by food and energy. Therefore, fasting weakens lust and desire temporarily to allow the soul to lead the body and communicate with Allah. This is a lesson in self-discipline and self-control. One is trained to be the master of the body, not the other way around. So remember that you are skipping a meal for a spiritual reason. Unfortunately, some people overeat during the ‘iftar period to make up for the meal they missed and may end up gaining weight by the end of the month!

Red Flag 5: “If only I had not taken so and so as a friend. He led me away from the Revelation after it reached me. Satan has always betrayed humankind” (Quran 25:28-29).

Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are! This indicates the importance of whom we choose to associate. Lacking good friends, being disconnected from your local mosque, and abandoning benevolent acts may place your faith at significant risk. Ramadan is like an intensive course in good deeds: Taraweeh in the masjid, sadaqah for the needy, annual Zakah, reading and studying the Quran, inviting people for ‘iftar, developing stronger family connections …etc. This faith-filled environment increases our opportunities to be more connected with Allah.

Red Flag 6: “When they [hypocrites] stand up to pray, they do so sluggishly, showing off in front of people, and remember God only a little” (Quran 4:142).

In Islam, for an action to be moral and accepted by Allah, it is not enough for it to be good. The motive behind the action has to be good, and the action has to be done for a good intention: for God. This is called ‘ikhlas, the opposite of which is riya‘ (doing something seeking people’s approval and praise, not Allah’s pleasure and glory). While fasting, we stay away from food and drinks and other invalidators even if no one is watching us. In doing so, we train to live in the presence of Allah and do good deeds to glorify Him alone. 

By Sh. Ahmed Arafat

Mental Preparation for Prayer

Mental Preparation for Prayer

Ahmed Posing in Front of a Bookcase One

Remember the last important interview you had? You must have prepared well by conducting interview research, reviewing the dress code, planning the directions to the office, researching the institution online…etc. Your meeting with Allah is beyond all comparison. So, if you consider prayer a great blessing to communicate with Allah, you should be gratefully prepared. 

           In his al-Fawaid, Imam Ibn al-Qayyim observes: “There are two times when a servant stands before Allah: in prayer and on the Day of Judgment. Whoever takes care of the first, the second will be easy for them; whoever neglects the first standing, the second will be hard for them.” 

Here are quick tips to help improve our mental preparation for prayer: 

Start with a Focused Mind

           After preparing some food for family members, one of my relatives said, “Let us pray first and then eat without any interruptions!” She wanted her guests to enjoy eating with a clear mind. I responded, “Let us eat first and then pray without interruptions!” To be less distracted during prayer and to strengthen our focus on prayer, the Prophet ﷺ taught us to start our prayer with an undivided mind. 

           Ibn Umar narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said: “When dinner is being served, and the time for a prayer becomes due, start with the dinner and do not be hasty” (Bukhari & Muslim). That is why whenever he felt hungry and the meal was ready, Ibn Umar started eating even if he could hear the Imam’s recitation. We should also note that if a person is a little hungry and knows that hunger will not be a distraction, they should start praying. ‘Amr ibn Umayyah narrated that he saw the Prophet ﷺ using a knife to cut a piece of meat from a cooked sheep shoulder. As the prayer was called, the Prophet ﷺ put down the meat and the knife and offered the prayer” (Bukhari & Muslim).

           Similarly, the Prophet ﷺ taught us not to start praying when we feel that we need to use the bathroom. Instead of praying while you resist the urge to urinate or defecate, you should relieve yourself first. ‘Aiesha said that she heard the Prophet ﷺ saying: “No ritual prayer is to be offered when the food is being served or when a person resists “al-akhbathayn [the urge to urinate or defecate].” 

Dress Well

Wearing clean and neat clothes indicates that prayer is a special meeting and that you take it seriously. Dressing well is not a prerequisite for prayer; however, it is an excellent mental preparation for prayer. The Quran commands: “O children of Adam, wear your beautiful apparel at every time and place of prayer: eat and drink: but waste not by excess, for Allah loves not the wasters” (Quran 7:31). In accordance with this verse, Tamim al-Dari bought an expensive garment for prayer. 

Smell Nice 

           Smelling well could influence your brain’s activity. Many scents refresh the mind, create a sense of alertness, boost attentiveness, produce a sense of optimism, fight mental fatigue, improve focus, and stimulate clear thinking. It is interesting to note that smelling nice was part of the traits of the Prophet’s ﷺ personality. Anas ibn Malik narrated: “I have never smelt any musk or amber better than the fragrance of the Prophet (Reported by Muslim). Umm Salamah also narrated that the Prophet ﷺ used to wear musk and apply it to his face and hands whenever he performed wudu. The Companions followed this Sunnah very closely. Ibn Mas’ud was known for his pleasant smell, and before his prayers, he liked pleasing fragrances and neat clothes. Similarly, people knew if Ibn Abbas walked through a street because of his wonderful smell! 

It is equally important to avoid wearing anything with an overpowering smell since that could distract from prayer. Obviously, one must stay away from anything that produces a bad smell. In a clear-cut direction, the Prophet ﷺ instructed us: “Let those who ate onions or garlic keep away from our mosque since the angels are harmed by whatever harms humans” (Bukhari & Muslim).

Avoid Hardness of the Heart

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim observed: “Four things, when excessively done, will lead to the hardness of the heart: eating, sleeping, talking, and mingling with others.” Have you ever prayed after you overate or overslept? Have you ever prayed after having a long “unnecessary” conversation with somebody? No doubt, it was not the best prayer. Let us discuss the harmful effects of overeating, oversleeping, and excessive conversations before Salah. 

  • Do not eat until you are full. The Prophet ﷺ suggested eating until about 66% capacity! Al-Miqdad ibn Ma’d Yakrib said: I heard the Prophet saying: There is no vessel which the son of Adam can fill that is more evil than his stomach, for it is enough for him to take a few bites to straighten his back. Yet if he is overcome by appetite, then he may fill it with a third of food, a third of drink, and a third of breath.”
  • Besides the medical problems of oversleeping, those who oversleep may feel more tired. This feeling is not a proper preparation for prayer. 
  • Avoid lengthy conversations before Salah as much as you can. If necessary before prayer, limit your discussions to good causes or important matters. The Quran reads: “In most of their secret talks, there is no good except for one who exhorts [others] to a deed of charity or justice or conciliation between people. Whoever does this, seeking the good pleasure of Allah, We shall soon give a reward of the highest (value)” (Quran 4:114). Generally speaking, the Prophet ﷺ taught us: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him or her say good or be silent.”

Take a Few Moments of Contemplation Before the First Takbirah

Some people may start their prayer after a long conversation with others or even after laughing or shouting, and suddenly they find themselves praying! Always take a few moments of silence to prepare your heart and mind. To bring in Khushu’ before you start your prayer, think of one of the following:

  • To generate a sense of humility that makes you look down humbly, remember a sin you committed and a blessing Allah bestowed on you. 
  • Imagine that this prayer might be your last. In this way, you will try your best to perfect it.
  • Visualize the glory and greatness of Allah’s creation (e.g., we have more than 150 billion galaxies!) and how small you are. Despite how small we look, Allah honored us; therefore, feel proud that you are one of His servants.
  • Think about how short this life is and how eternal the afterlife is. In 100 years, no one who is alive now will be here. 

Do Not Start Your Prayer With a Lie! 

One of the most effective ways to maintain your focus in prayer is to recognize the meaning of ‘Allahu Akbar’ through which we start our prayer. Allahu Akbar means “God is greater.” Greater than what? Greater than anything you can imagine. Therefore, when you begin praying with Allahu Akbar, you basically say Allah is greater than my money, school, work …etc. That is why Imam al-Ghazali warned: “Make sure that you do not start your prayer with a lie!” It is also interesting to notice that the phrase ‘Allahu Akbar’ signals most of the movements during prayer. In other words, ‘Allah is Greater’ is a constant reminder that thinking of anything other than Allah while you are in His presence is shameful. In this way, the frequently repeated Allahu Akbar can help us regain our focus.

Prepare Your Quranic Recitations

Instead of reciting the same short verses in every prayer, try to memorize various verses or passages or even single verses. If you can only learn one verse, here are some suggestions for inspirational verses: (2:186), (2:281), (3:8), (4:135), (16:277), (16:281), (17:23), (24:30), (29:69), (39:53), (41:30), (41:34), (49:10), (49:12), (49:13), and (50:16).  

Prepare Personal Duas

When you include personal prayers in your Salah for yourself, your family, and your Ummah, your Salah will be transformed from being a dead format into a real personal relation. The best part of Salah for personal prayers is during Sujud (prostration). The Prophet ﷺ taught us: “Nothing brings the servant closer to Allah more than Sujud; so, offer frequent prayers or supplications” (Reported by Muslim). Practically speaking, prepare your Duas and pray earnestly and sincerely. 

Allow Enough Time

When you pray on time, you have a better chance of concentration. Think of the last time you offered a prayer a few minutes before the following prayer was due. Think of the last time you had to combine two prayers without a valid excuse. So, for better focus during prayer, allow enough time. Of course, the best option, in this regard, is to join the congregation in prayer in the Masjid.

Observe the Sunnah Dhikr Daily

The more you focus on Allah outside of prayer, the easier you can focus on Him during prayer. Observing the many Dhikr the Prophet ﷺ taught us throughout the day will help a Muslim develop an undivided heart set on Allah and be willing to surrender to Him completely. 

 

By Sh. Ahmed Arafat

 

The Seeds of Ramadan


Allah, the Most High, mentions in the verses regarding fasting that which translate to:
“O you who have believed, fasting has been prescribed upon you all as it has upon those who have proceeded you for you to attain “Taqwa” [reverence and true fear and dutifulness to Allah and protection from the punishment of the hereafter]” (Quran 2: 183). We see in this verse that Allah has essentially guaranteed and promised, yes promised that if we fast the month of Ramadan, we will attain a true sense of dutifulness and obedience to Allah in the life of this world and protection from the fire of hell in the next. Hence, the Prophet ﷺ says that which means: “Whoever fasts Ramadan out of faithfulness and expecting and hoping for its reward with Allah will have their past sins forgiven” (Bukhari & Muslim). 

These are some potent effects of fasting during Ramadan, and yet, after Ramadan has passed, the work is not over. In a broader sense, the work is never over as long as there is breath in our lungs. Abdullah, one of the sons of Imam Ahmad Bin Hanbal, once asked his father: “When will we ever be able to rest?” To which Imam Ahmad replied: “When we place our first foot in paradise.” Yet, in a minor sense concerning Ramadan, our duties do not end with the appearance of Shawwal’s crescent. We must protect and nurture our gains throughout the coming year.  

Allah has Promised in the verse mentioned above, and subsequently, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, that if we fast the month of Ramadan as commanded, even one day properly as intended by Allah, He promises to plant a seed in our hearts. Some will have more powerful seeds than others, all based on the quality of their fast, yet seeds, nonetheless. And like all seeds, we must take care of them. They must be watered, cultivated, watered, weeded, etc. If left unattended, and if we allow our hearts and minds to slip back out into old habits and let the good habits we picked up during Ramadan be choked out, these precious seeds and gifts from Allah will die. We have to maintain our gardens, the proverbial garden of our “Ramadan hearts,” water it, weed it, and most importantly, only allow the best alongside it. This is all part of fasting and observing the month of Ramadan. It’s mentioned that the Prophet’s companions would spend six months before Ramadan preparing for it and the following six months protecting their gains from it. In other words, take care of your Ramadan garden!

By Sh. Ali Mashhour

Ramadan – the Fasting Month

Blessed Ramadan – the Fasting Month

by Sh. Kifah Mustapha

Introduction:

Ramadan is the ninth month in our lunar calendar. The origin of this word is (Ra-ma-doo رَمَضُ) which means in the Arabic language: “intense or extreme heat.”[1] “When the names of months were copied from the old language, it coincided that Ramadan was in times of extreme heat, and that is why it was named (the month) Ramadan.”[2] It is also related that: (the term “Ramadan” is because the month of fasting burns the sins away with good deeds.)[3]

Fasting in Arabic means: “to abstain.” Allah used this term in the Quran: {and if you should see any human being, then say [only]: Indeed, I have vowed a fast to the All-Merciful. Thus, I shall not speak today to any human being} 19:26.  The term “fasting” in the Islamic meaning is: “the intention to fast and to abstain from everything that will void fasting, from dawn till sunset.”[4]

Fasting during Ramadan was ordained on Muslims during the month of Shaaban in the second year after the prophet’s migration (PBUH) from Makkah to Madinah.


Importance of Fasting

Fasting is a Pillar of Islam:

As we all know, Islam stands on five pillars that summarize what Islam is all about. These pillars represent the core basics, from theology to rituals to social responsibility. Fasting is the fourth pillar which promotes a great aspect of spiritual uplift and a pure relationship with Allah (SW). The prophet (PBUH) said: “Islam is built on five (pillars.) (To) witness there is no god but Allah and that Muhammad is the messenger of Allah, performing prayer, giving charity, pilgrimage and fasting Ramadan.”[5]

Fasting is an Order from Allah:

When someone fasts, he or she would be engaging in one of the most honorable things in life; answering the call of Allah. We owe God to be obedient, and when we fast we are demonstrating this submission to His might. Allah (SW) said: {O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you as it has been prescribed for those [who have believed] before you, so that you may be [ever] God-fearing} 2:183. Allah (SW) said: {so whoever among you bears witness to the month shall then fast it} 2:185.

Fasting is an act of worship:

Fasting is also seen as an act of worship that feeds into the purpose of our life and existence on earth. Allah (SW) said: {and [know that] I have not created [either] Jinn or human beings but to [know and] worship Me [alone]} 51:56. Worshiping God gives us the meaning that there is no one worthy of our worship but Him (SW), God, the One Whom we owe our existence and all our survival depends on Him.

Fasting erases our sins:

We all recognize that humans are made to make mistakes and fall into sin, which is part of our creation as mentioned in the Hadith of the Prophet (SAAW). Fasting is a major tool to give us the means to wash ourselves clean from these sins. The prophet (PBUH) said: “For whoever fasts Ramadan in faith and (hoping) for rewards, all of his sins shall be forgiven.”[6] The prophet (PBUH) said about the month of Ramadan that its beginning is mercy, its middle is forgiveness and its end is freedom from fire.”[7]

Abdullah, the son of Abbas (RAA) said: “While the prophet (PBUH) was on the pulpit, he said: ‘Ameen’ three times! When asked about it, he said: ‘Gabriel (PBUH) came and said: ‘whoever [you Mohammad] mentioned to him and did not pray , Allah [from righteousness] shall distance him; say Ameen.’ ‘I said: Ameen.’ And he said: ‘whoever reached the time when one or both of his parents reached old age and died without [benefiting] forgiveness, Allah [from righteousness] shall distance him; say Ameen.’ ‘I said: Ameen.’ He said: ‘whoever reached Ramadan without [benefiting] forgiveness, Allah [from righteousness] shall distance him; say Ameen.’ ‘I said: Ameen.’”[8]

Fasting is a door for rewards:

Good deeds are earned in many ways, and fasting is meant to bring lots of good deeds because it is a secret act of worship between the servant and His Lord that no one else knows about. It is also a proof against being a hypocrite for no one will fast but a believer insha Allah. The prophet (PBUH) said: “Whoever fasts one day for the sake of Allah, Allah will distance fire away from his face for seventy autumns (years.)” Hadith narrated by Bukhari Al Jamea’a Al Sahih. The prophet (PBUH) said: “Allah (SW) said [in the Hadith Qudusi]: ‘Each and every deed for the son of Adam is [meant] for him but fasting, it is for Me and I shall [be the one] to reward for it.’” Hadith narrated by Bukhari in Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.

Fasting teaches patience:

The true meaning of Sabr or patience really prevails in fasting because every person will be abstaining from food and water for such a long time, and that is all about Sabr. The prophet (PBUH) said: “Allah (SW) said [in the Hadith Qudusi]: ‘He [the son of Adam] leaves [control] his desire, food and drinking [water] for My sake.’” Hadith narrated by Bukhari Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.

The prophet (PBUH) said: “Fasting is a shield and if it was the day of fasting for you, [he] should not speak foul [words] or speak loud [in quarrel or fighting] and if someone cursed [at him] and [spoke bad] words [at him] he should say: ‘I am fasting.’” Hadith narrated by Bukhari Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.

Rewards of Fasting:

    1. Heaven: The prophet (PBUH) said: “There is a door in Heaven called Al Rayyan, fasting [people] will enter from it on the Day of Judgment, and no one else enters but them. They [fasting people] will stand and no one else enters from it but them and if they entered, it will be closed so no one else can enter.” Hadith narrated by Bukhari in Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.
    1. Intercession: The prophet (PBUH) said: “Fasting and Quran are intercessors for the servant [of Allah] at the Day of judgment. Fasting will say: ‘O my Lord, I prevented him food and pleasures during the day, so let me be an intercessor for him’. And the Quran will say: ‘I prevented him from sleeping during the night so let me be an intercessor for him.’ [They will be prompted] intercession.” Hadith narrated by Ahmad in Al Musnad.
  1. Joy and Happiness: The prophet (PBUH) said: “For the fasting person is two joys, one when he breaks his fast and the second when he meets his Lord.” Hadith narrated by Muslim in Al Musnad Al Sahih.

What to do in Ramadan: 

Upgrade fasting:Imam Al Ghazali spoke about three levels of fasting. The first level is the general level in which people are fasting from food, water and intercourse from dawn to sunset. The second level is the specific level in which all your senses and body parts fast with you. The eye, ear, tongue, leg, hand etc. The third level is the most special of the specific level in which your heart is fasting from anything else but Allah. (Illustrated from the book of: ‘Reviving the science of religion.’
 

Repentance:

    1. This is the month to repent from all your sins. Every day is a good day for repenting, but during Ramadan devils are chained, and this should give you a chance to win the battle against the whispers of evil, insha Allah.
    1. Conditions of Tawbah: As Imam Al Nawawi spoke of the conditions of Tawbah or repentance, he mentioned: to quit the Haram, to regret what you have done, and to intend not to come back to it. He added one more condition is which is to return things if taken from people back to them. (Illustrated from the book of Riyad Al Saliheen.)
  1. Beware of delaying repentance for sins can grow until your heart is completely covered with no righteousness left in it. Beware from the whispers of Satan that discourages you from repentance from fear of falling back into sin. Repentance is power, insha Allah, and the more sincere you are the more help you will get from Allah to hold on. Beware from assuming Allah only forgives. It is true, He is the All Forgiving but He is also the One who can punish severely.

Generosity: Remember to pay your Zakat, Zakat Al Fitr, and donate as much as you can. The prophet (PBUH) was the most generous, and he was the most generous during the month of Ramadan.
 

Reading Quran:Muslims remember the honor that came in this month that the Quran was revealed in it. The prophet (PBUH) would review the Quran with Gabriel every Ramadan. You should try to read the whole Quran.
 

Praying Taraweeh:The prophet (PBUH) said: “Whoever stands [praying] Ramadan in faith and (hoping) for rewards, forgiven shall be all which have passed of his sins.” Hadith narrated by Bukhari in Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.
 

Itikaf: Staying in the Masjid for worship: Abu Hurayrah (RAA) said: “The prophet (PBUH) used to do Itikaf ten days in each Ramadan. And in the year he died, he did Itikaf twenty days.” Hadith narrated by Bukhari in Al jamea’a Al Sahih.
 

Performing Umrah:The prophet (PBUH) said: “An Umrah in Ramadan is a [one] Hajj.” Hadith narrated by Bukhari in Al Jamea’a Al Sahih.
 

Feeding fasting people:The prophet (PBUH) said: “Whoever (fed) a fasting person, breaking their fast, he has like his rewards without the fasting person missing any of his rewards.” Hadith narrated by Tirmizi.

 

Sh. Kifah Mustapha


[1] Lisan Al-Arab by Ibn Manthour

[2] Ibn Duraid

[3] Jamea Al-Ahkam by Al-Qurtubi

[4] Al-Qurtubi

[5] Hadith narrated by Bukhari

[6] Hadith narrated by Bukhari

[7] Hadith narrated by Ibn Hajar

[8] Hadith narrated by Haithami

Sh. Kifah Mustapha

Marriage.

 

As Muslims, we must make every effort to meet life transitions with careful consideration and preparation. We rely first and foremost on Allah ﷻ and the guidance He has provided us in His Book and, secondly, upon the Sunnah of our beloved Messenger, Muhammad ﷺ. In light of what seems to be a jam-packed summer wedding season, I would like to take this opportunity to advise new Muslim couples and their families. This advice is based on nearly four decades of counseling Muslim couples.

What Comes After the Wedding?

Many couples are consumed with tedious wedding preparations and spend very little time and care to receive the training and education necessary for what comes after the wedding, despite our calls to attend counseling offered by our Masjid. Many couples enter marriage carrying false assumptions and expectations that bring them back to my office months and sometimes weeks following the wedding. Unfortunately, the conflicts they have experienced by that time have caused so much damage to the undeveloped relationship that counseling becomes difficult, and rebuilding trust requires work that they are often unwilling to do. For this reason, it is vital for each individual considering marriage or is currently married to recognize that marriage requires hard work, just like other life transitions. If a person rushed into starting a new business or buying a new car or house without any thought or preparation, most people would consider that person impulsive and careless. Isn’t marriage a decision requiring more planning and preparation than starting a business venture or making a large purchase?

Consider this verse from Surat Ar-Rum, which is placed on many wedding invitations yet often overlooked, “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought” (Quran 30:21).

Marriage is a blessing from the many provisions that Allah ﷻ has generously bestowed upon the children of Adam. It is important to note that Allah ﷻ makes mention of a specific group of people at the end of the verse, ‘those people who give thought.’

Thought, Reflection, Self-Awareness, and Learning

Though many pages can be written about this topic, here are a few practical points based on my experience in counseling newlyweds:

  1. Autonomy. Both newlyweds and their families and friends must recognize that they are an independent unit. It is normal and healthy for loyalties from past relationships to shift into the new relationship, making the new partnership the most valuable for each new husband and wife. Traditions and routines will have to accommodate these recent changes. Many couples complain about not attending a yearly family Eid breakfast, traveling out of state to participate in every cousin’s graduation, or seeing their friends every Friday night, which they always did when they were single. It is not practical and unfair to the new marriage for things to remain as they were. Spouses should be selective when choosing what is most important, and each must compromise by giving up some things. Families and friends should respect the decisions made by the couple and not exert pressure on them to maintain traditions and routines. With that said couples should not cut themselves off from the world. On the contrary, they should make changes to schedule regular family visits, especially to both sets of parents, and maintain their ties with righteous and supportive friends. Some family or friends of either bride or groom might be the source of problems in the marriage, so it is essential to be aware of this while maintaining rights. Similarly, couples should schedule weekly outings just for the two of them to spend time together.
  2. Communication. Communicating with one’s spouse is different from simply talking or hearing. It requires giving and receiving the meaning of words, feelings, and actions with empathy, respect, and consideration. If your wife feels depressed at the beginning of the marriage because she misses her family, support her. If your husband feels guilty about not being able to fulfill his parents’ wants as he once did, support him. If something is on your mind, or your spouse’s particular word or action upsets you, communicate it openly and honestly. If your spouse is telling you something you do bothers them, be willing to hear them out without judgment or comparisons. Instead, sincerely apologize for hurting them intentionally or unintentionally and try to change.
  3. Conflict. Conflict is a necessary and expected part of any real relationship. What is most important is that we learn to resolve conflicts in healthy ways without harboring resentment. As Muslims, we adhere to the Quran and Sunnah in times of bliss and hardship. We turn to our faith to help us decide when a conflict arises. Some couples struggle with differentiating tradition and culture from Islam and have many assumptions and expectations about the rights of the husband or wife that are false and entirely opposed to Islamic teachings. Therefore, couples should seek the advice of an Islamic scholar on these critical issues. I also advise couples not to involve their families in marital conflicts since they are biased and often too emotionally invested to make a sound decision. Our Masjid provides these services at no cost. Be sure to seek counsel. Seeking counseling does not mean you are seeking a divorce. On the contrary, it means you are struggling and need assistance. An essential aspect of resolving conflict is practicing patience, a rare quality in our fast-paced society. Couples must remember there is no such thing as a perfectly matched partner; there will always be things that each spouse must change and a few things they cannot change. As long as it is within the limits of Islamic boundaries, we must learn to have the patience to support them to change what they can, live with what they cannot change, and find ways to appreciate their good qualities.
  4. Intimacy. Allah ﷻ highlights affection to be one of the main qualities arising from the union of husband and wife. This encompasses all forms of intimacy: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. Each spouse shares responsibility for achieving these forms of intimacy with their partner. I will highlight spiritual intimacy since it is often the most neglected yet essential task for couples to focus on and is a protective factor in their relationship. This includes reminding each other of the performance of daily prayers, reciting and memorizing Quran together, abandoning bad habits, attending a weekly program at the Masjid, fasting and giving sadaqa together, volunteering, and supporting one another to abide by Islamic rulings, including obtaining halal forms of provision, practicing lowering of the gaze and wearing hijab, and the many different ways of becoming closer to Allah ﷻ and gaining His mercy and pleasure.

These are but a few suggestions for newlyweds. There is so much to learn, so staying connected to your Masjid and at least a weekly program to support your healthy marriage is essential.

May Allah ﷻ place His barakah in all marriages and unite us to do good for this deen and the community.

By Sh. Jamal Said

“By the Witness and that Which is Witnessed…”

In times of calamity and hardship, when Muslims are massacred and Islam is attacked by old adversaries and new ones, we find solace through turning to the book of Allah ﷻ. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his righteous companions, before us, were persecuted relentlessly in Makkah, not by a foreign aggressor, but at the hands of their family members, relatives, and neighbors. In addition, those who witnessed the persecutions did little to stop them.

We are reminded of the story of defenseless people who were burned to death, young and old, women and men, yet their lives are never forgotten and brought to life each time Surat Al-Buruj is recited. The crime of these people was solely their belief in the oneness of their Creator, and for it, they were punished appallingly. Ruthless rulers of their time dug a massive ditch and lit a great fire in which they threw all the believing men, women, children, and infants. Their burning was witnessed by masses who stood around simply watching the horrific scene, much like the masses today watch as innocent families are annihilated.

The Surah opens with an oath, “By the heaven with its constellations. By the promised day. By the witness and that which is witnessed” (Quran 85:1-3). Allah ﷻ calls our attention to critical matters: His vast creation, the Day of Accounting, and everyone and everything that shall be accounted for on that Day. His oath attests to the severity of the story which follows.

Allah ﷻ begins narrating the story with a declaration of anger with the oppressors, “Slain be the people of the pit” (Quran 85: 4). Allah illustrates images of what they had contrived in the verses, “…of the fire abounding in fuel, when they sat around it, watching what they did to the believers” (Quran 85:5-7).

Allah ﷻ describes them sitting around the fire and enjoying themselves as they watched the horror unfold. Tyranny, at its core, occurs when humans find pleasure in harming other human beings, as we witness today in Syria, Gaza, Egypt, China, Iraq, and Burma.

What was their crime? What evil deed did they commit against those who murder them? “They took vengeance on them for no reason other than they believed in Allah, the Almighty, to whom all praise is due” (Quran 85-8).

What did they do? They believed in Allah ﷻ who deserves to be worshiped. They rose above the ignorant masses to abandon falsehood and embrace truth as Muslims today look toward living a life of dignity over a life of oppression. They could have easily saved their lives by agreeing to the terms of their oppressors, but what worth would their lives have if they abandoned their faith? As their bodies burned, their souls elevated toward the constellations, toward their Creator, where they will no longer be harmed by those who oppress them and will be eternally rewarded.

As for their oppressors, Allah warns, “Those who persecute the believers, men, and women, and do not repent shall suffer the punishment of hell, and suffer the punishment of burning” (Quran 85:10). Indeed, oppressors will burn in an eternal flame for the injustices they incur.

“But those who believe and do righteous deeds shall have gardens through which running waters flow; that is the supreme triumph” (Quran 85:11). For those who choose a life of dignity over a life of oppression will be an eternal reward for elevating their souls over the worldly desires of their bodies.

May Allah ﷻ alleviate the suffering of the oppressed, may He provide comfort to those who grieve, and may He grant them peace in this life and His promised reward for patience in the hereafter.

 

By Sh. Jamal Said