Don’t Make Du‘a Against Your Children
One of the greatest social values emphasized by our faith is the recognition of responsibility. We are accountable for our actions, and on the Day of Judgment, Allah will question us about our responsibilities—whether we remember them or not. This reality is a core teaching of Islam:
“On the Day when Allah will resurrect them all and inform them of what they did. Allah has kept account of it, while they have forgotten it. And Allah is Witness over all things” (Quran 58:6).
Among these responsibilities are those we bear not only for ourselves but also for our families. As the Prophet ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be questioned about his flock” (Hadith, Sahih al-Bukhari). We will inevitably be asked about everything under our care, including our children, who hold a special place in this trust:
“Indeed, the losers are the ones who will lose themselves and their families on the Day of Resurrection. Unquestionably, that is the manifest loss” (Quran 39:15).
Children are an amanah from Allah, and the way we raise them reflects directly on us. They are like clay, shaped by the environment we create and the values we impart. Neglecting this responsibility can have lifelong consequences, distancing them from their faith or weakening their sense of self-worth. Imam al-Ghazali reminded us that children will incline to whatever their parents incline them toward, as they accept the impressions imprinted upon them.
Parents must ask themselves: Am I my child’s first source of trauma? Am I teaching them self-worth, confidence, and love? Am I fulfilling their rights by giving them a good name, teaching them the Quran, and showing them mercy? The Prophet ﷺ modeled this beautifully in his relationship with Fatimah. Aishah narrated: “Whenever she would enter upon the Prophet ﷺ, he would stand up for her, kiss her, and seat her in his place” (Hadith, Jami‘ at-Tirmidhi).
At the same time, children have responsibilities toward their parents. Both parents and children are tested in their roles, and neither can justify neglect or harm. The Prophet ﷺ cautioned against making du‘a against oneself, one’s children, or one’s wealth, warning that such a prayer might coincide with a moment when Allah answers:
“Do not pray against yourselves, do not pray against your children, and do not pray against your wealth, lest that coincides with a time when Allah is asked and He gives, so He answers your prayer” (Hadith, Sahih Muslim).
Part of fulfilling a child’s right is preparing them for adulthood—guiding them, advising them, and mentoring them. Parents should reflect: If I were to leave this world today, how would my children remember me? When we are laid to rest, the world will move on, but our children will carry our memory, our lessons, and our legacy.
May Allah make us among those who uphold our responsibilities, who nurture our children with love and faith, and who remain true to the trusts He has given us.
By Imam Basheer Abdeen