A Guide for Young Women and Guardians on Marriage

When a young man comes forward to propose, the immediate and societal instinct is often to ask, “What does he do for a living?” While financial stability is a valid consideration, it should never overshadow a man’s character and faith. Following the guidance of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is the ultimate path to emotional and spiritual safety.

            A thorough investigation is a necessity before making a life-altering commitment. Ask about his consistency in prayer; a person who carelessly cuts ties with his Creator will find it very easy to neglect his treatment of you. Look at his dynamics within his own home—how he treats his parents and how he interacts with his sisters provides a transparent preview of how he will treat his future wife. Furthermore, examine his financial integrity and his digital footprint. What fills a person’s eyes and filters through their social media interactions today will inevitably shape their heart and morals tomorrow.

The Art of Investigation

            Do not rely solely on what a suitor says during initial meetings. It is natural for individuals to present the most polished version of themselves. Guardians must look beyond the mosque for references. Inquire about his behavior at his university, his workplace, and within his neighborhood or friend circles. This is a lifelong commitment, not a temporary journey, and multiple inquiries are entirely justified.

            For those who are asked to provide character references, remember that your words are a testimony before Allah. If you know a young man is unequipped or unsuitable for the responsibilities of marriage, do not praise him falsely. If you prefer not to cause harm, step aside or gently indicate that further investigation is needed. Honesty at this stage saves families from future heartbreak.

Respecting Boundaries During Engagement

            A major misconception within our community surrounds the initial engagement period—often marked by a Jahah or the reading of Al-Fatiha. It is critical to recognize that an engagement is merely a promise to marry, not a legal marriage contract (Aqd).

            Until the Nikah is officially signed, a suitor remains an individual to whom the rules of modesty apply. Private seclusion (Khalwah), driving alone together, or traveling without a chaperone remain impermissible. Any interactions should be purposeful, involving a family member nearby, focusing on critical discussions regarding future goals, values, and shared principles—leaving romantic expressions for the appropriate time after marriage. Furthermore, a suitor holds no authority over his fiancée during this stage; she remains entirely under the care and decision-making of her own family.

Embracing the Waiting Period

            To our sisters whose marriage feels delayed: marriage is a beautiful chapter, but it is not the definition of your existence. A delay is not a sign of bad luck or a curse; it is a period of divine preparation.

            Do not put your life on hold. Invest in your intellect, refine your skills, serve your community, and deepen your connection with Allah. When the right person arrives, let him find you thriving as a leader in your own right, not waiting in despair. Never lower your standards out of fear. Cultivate the best version of yourself for the beautiful destiny Allah has written for you.

Imam Jafar Hawa

The Mosque Foundation

May 1, 2026